Wednesday, March 11, 2009
lose lose lose
HI - so man - im like... SICK of a lot of stupid stuff..
like - so many things i used to put stock in im finding are just meaningless.
underneath it all, where is the soul?
now im left looking for things that are meaningful all over from the start.
so many things are fake - people and appearances are fake -
-people who arent so much into what they are doing for the love of it - but for the money and fame.
Its not for me.
I dont mind being famous or known - it is something that comes and goes and can be bad or good, but to work just for fame and money while trying to appear to be the best, even when you know, you aren't or when you know you're just posing, faking, marketing, and working on your public image, its sickening to me at this point.
You'll notice my logo is getting smaller. eventually ill phase this out into a less stylized logo, and eventually just put something in my images to let you know its my image, and not sign them at all.
Art is hard. You can't fake it - not to the people who can think and discern for themselves.
Right now.. i want to skip and not go to a major event i am slated for. it would be the wimpy thing for me to not go - honestly i dont have the money to go. And i dont really want to be in the middle of all the fakeness... i dont wanna see it and i dont wanna be looked at... i dont wanna be pulled this way and that by models. I like photographers... they are sometimes some really great people - and i have some good friends who are also models.
But at this point, its overload... i dont want and cant handle any more models in my life. They bring a lot of drama sometimes - and i can't handle any more of that. And on top of that, the business side of girls and alt wars... is something i am not remotely interested in any more, or perhaps was ever interested in.
I liked the idea of shooting cool interesting and pretty girls and getting recognized for it and paid.. but now those girls arent cool interesting or pretty to me, and the fame is useless and the money is not worth the effort and bulk effort required. so its a lose, lose lose situation.
All I have left, is my art. Myself, my journey. I have not arrived and i will never arrive, i have no destination, just movement, and i choose to move away form anything stupid.