mojokiss blogger

Defenz, Agony

2011-03-07T16:13:00.000-08:00

Lovely Agony: http://www.modelmayhem.com/382892
Defenz Mechanizm: http://www.modelmayhem.com/583507

Isolation

2011-01-28T20:07:00.001-08:00

people want to constantly take. I have to constantly get away from the masses of people. They- even when they don't know my name, they want to take my life, my money, my blood, my innocence.

Sarah Mae

2010-02-21T12:41:00.000-08:00

This is Sarah Mae MM#32165 and shes one of the best models I have ever worked with.

Portraiture With One Light

2009-11-17T06:31:00.001-08:00

Shooting a 3/4 portrait with one light

A 3/4 portrait is anything where you cut off the subjects knees.

There are endless ways of lighting this but im going to talk about shooting and lighting this with one light indoors against a backdrop.

The trick is the single shadow. When you cast light on the subject/model, a shadow is going to fall. You dont want this shadow in your shot, so pull the model away from the wall enough so she doesnt block any light from the wall. here’s some examples

Lighting from above: if you hang a softbox like i have always done, bring the model a couple feet from the wall, and position the softbox so it throws a pleasant light on the model and some light on the backdrop as well. There should be no shadow on the backdrop. The light on the backdrop should be about half that of the metered light on the model’s face. just use your best guess. If you wanna meter it, fine. This will also give you a nice fall off of light around the edges of the image frame on the backdrop. You wont need to edit this image. But you need a reflector as well. Put it below the models hips, just above the knees.

Lighting from an angle: if you light from the side or 45 degrees, do the same as above until there is no shadow. throw a reflector in on the opposite side just out of camera frame. use common sense.

Enjoy.

Tuned Out

2009-06-22T04:27:00.001-07:00

Where shall i settle down? Miami? Philly? Brooklyn (no)? LA (no)?

Today I'm thinkin of miami of all god forsaken places. But miami has some finer points. it attracts people, its rich and glamorous, i could stay right in miami and be in florida, not far from my home town of st pete, and have a strong industry right there. I cant say what industry is like in miami but - i just might like being down there, and i could work i think. more than here for damn sure. and probably more than in ny and its slightly cheaper perhaps. the key is to know the area, how to live, where to live and where not to be. I have to get my tools and resources all in line and make it happen. if it screws up its just a $25 train ride back to st pete for a nice rest.

amazing.

I really talked myself into this miami thing didnt i?

do or do not

2009-06-15T08:48:00.001-07:00

we dont want to go astray when we follow our hearts. i think where the problem comes in is when we follow our heart only half way

we have to have work that is purely technical and work that is purely experimental and work that is purely heart.

in this way, we are always acting in one mind and not divided. a house divided against itself can not stand.

its best to have several houses and not try and make your house part tent, part high rise and part cottage. we have to learn of each one in itself first.

i suppose eventually its possible to be a master of the various building techniques and to combine the best of each into several master works just as a truely masterful architect would do.

___

i have a shoot tonight. it causes me some trepidation i must admit. i dont have a fixed method. i feel im falling too often in that part of my mind that is divided.

i think the reason for this is because now, i know how to make a great images but i dont have the resources

i have to step back and realize what i have, and use that and work within the limitions and tools i have and let that be my realm, and nurture singleness of mind in my work

everything takes some work. otherwise, there is chaos.

what is porn?

2009-06-12T02:55:00.001-07:00

hey buddies - so im really restless.

What is porn? I ask myself because i want to know what im shooting, and what i will be taken as, with a given body of work. Porn is an industry. Thats what porn is. Its material that is meant for making money off of a preexisting market where the goal is to create and sell work that fits a variety of categories. we all know what our personal impression of porn is, usually that of a combination of arousal and disgust. We see it as representing the act of sex in a graphic way meant to appeal to our basic vulnerabilities of the eyes and passions that are triggered and leading to fantasy, masturbation and satisfaction by aiding in the psyco-physical requirements for a self or co-induced orgasm.

But what is porn? something that makes you cum? thats very vague and subjective and doesnt define anything.

In nature, what is it that makes us sexually aroused? usually strong traits in the opposite sex that exhibit sexual availability. Its these traits that are the precursor the what constitutes porn to the industry.

Lets look first at swimsuit glam. The images are lit from every side, and you can see nothing but miles of curves, skin, bright eyes, thick natural hair, big plump boobs, legs open, tiny piece of material covering the labia, back arched direct eye contact, a touch of sass or happy expression to say - "im all yours come and get me"

porn is not much different. traditional porn was perfected with penthouse and perhaps playboy, using every trick in the book to the advantage of making a girl look perfect, youthful, glowingly healthy and vibrant, with the added element of bare nipples, crotch and ass. The expression is more subdued, and secondary, and not so direct. There is a sense of voyeurism.

what is art? so since we know what porn is now, we can more easily say what art is. i would like to state here that art is anything that is original and not designed for an industry, but out of a personal emotional connection with the subject and process. Art can become an element of industry, but industry cannot become art.

Therefore, porn can be made of art, if that art is taken from the art realm and placed into a porn market, but that which is designed for the market of pornography, will always be... porn... and nothing more.

Some might argue that the use their artistic energy to make their porn. But the fact that their motivation is to make industry pornography qualifies their work as impersonal and dictated by a cold clinical industry and negates any sincerity that is drawn upon to create the said works.

To shoot in "bulk" is not art.
Portraiture is not art.
Beauty shots are not art.
Glamour is not art.
Pop art... is rarely but sometimes art.

these are all industry scenarios and are driven by public demand and not the unction of the artist.

So if i make images that are erotic, that show nudity, every angle and part of a body, in all types of positions and expressions, it can't be called porn if im not selling it to the horny masses. There is a world called erotic art... and its different. lets talk about it.

Erotic art. This is material that is not always nude, but usually has at least some nude parts that are considered 18+. It is almost always the master works of an artist. I'm developing just recently some concepts that i feel will help to bring impact to my erotic art as i begin to collect works in this realm. The lighting is a matter of taste but has its tendancies to be less than direct. There is an air of mystirium and hard to get me attitude in the frames. It requires much effort on the behalf of the viewer. Usually a few frames are needed to complete an idea thats being presented, to develop a story line or setting and bring the viewer in, creating questions and tension. The shots are usually much closer, with shorter depth of field, and mixes of blur and motion and focus, with tendancies by the same right, to utilize wide angle establishing shots.

and now i am going to rest. I feel ive said what i set out to say. please forgive my strange habit of capitalizations and intentional use of words that are not in the dictionary.

man i need my glasses

2009-06-09T05:31:00.001-07:00

goin to bed now. always editing and layin around procrastinating, burstin spontaneously into sporatic editing. the mac book saved my life and so did the person who gave it to me. i owe him lots n lots.

meeting wth awesome girl today when i wake up. its like 8:30am. im about to rest/sleep and then rise. supposed to go do some beachy stuff. i just hope i can get my head together, and my dead eyes together.

not a good time to not have a lot of money. ill just make up for it by shooting a lot.

img357

2009-05-20T01:55:00.001-07:00

ongoing life -

im happy

something to do

to try something again

no hurry

its like resting, to wait, while fixing what is broken, what was never whole, so how can we say its degraded. our lives, they are still becoming.

sprocket scanner suction cups and rods

2009-04-27T23:01:00.001-07:00

sitting in my laboratory, i was playing with some suction cups and trying to find new ways of using them in life. I came up with this modification for clamping objects to glass. I soon realized i could use it on my scanner to hold film flat while not covering the sprocket holes. this will be useful for my sprocket hole photography. I may have to be strategic about where i place the rods in the scan however, and if all else fails, i can use photoshop to remove evidence of the rods. the rods are what used to be hooks on the suction cups used perhaps for hanging a basket in the shower.

Flash Dance

2009-04-09T16:41:00.001-07:00

the more i shoot the more i learn about whats right and wrong. film has needs. it has limitations. there is a target to your exposure - you have to do it right. there isnt a lot of room for mistake with slide film - almost none. slide film really is awesome. negative film is good too if you want more shadow detail, but slide film has a ready to go pop to it.

here's what ive learned about slide film lately:

Exposure - do it right. meter it and shoot it exactly right.

Scanning - you should be able to scan with no adjustments/flat and have a nice image. at this point its time to edit

Curves - Once you have a flat scan, you've got an accurate representation of the film. The next step is to add curves to the light and dark. You should have a preset curve that works for your perfect exposures. It should boost the highs just enough to "help out" the film and give it a little more energy. it should not give absolute blacks, rather, rich blacks except in small detail spots where black is dismissable.

Color balance - its time i set up a color profile for my slide work. It needs to have the right quality of reds. the rest is pretty ok and right on. If i used color filters when shooting, i might have a special balance for that unless its perfect color balanced with filter.

Basically - you dont have to artificially raise the skin tones to make them pop with slide other than your standard curve that you are used to for a slight optimization.

Tone - i add a warm gradient map to my images to tone down the greens, blues and reds... and leaving a warm brown tone to the image which places more attention on the lines rather than the potentially distracting pointless colors.

Argus C2

2009-03-28T00:58:00.001-07:00

bought some new cameras, and found a new girl. This was shot not too far from where i'm staying. its not the best location but it somewhat secluded for this area. I really need to find more areas nearby. its not really easy around here. Its pretty suburban and all. This was at a park.

I got 3 old cameras from someone. Two of them work and one i got for free and can't yet get it to work but its a cool camera if i can get it working. I learned that some of the parts in the cameras can be taken out and thrown away and the camera will still work.

This show was taken with an Argus C2 which is a design from about 1939 or so.

The other camera i just got seems pretty good - i really like it so far, i just messed up when i was testing it out and plugged my flash into the wrong hole :( i thought red meant "important" but it really just meant nothing. i should have plugged into the black x not the red m. Once again - back to the drawing board. I need to keep testing myself till i pass these tests. Thank god for these muses who appreciate the artistic process and pizza.

The Truth Comes Out

2009-03-21T12:41:00.001-07:00

Hand to Mouth

All i really wanted to do was hook my ipod up to some small speakers so i could watch youtube videos without being tethered to headphones. I failed. I had about 12 different adapters and plugs and none of them would connect or work with my computer speakers. Bad luck - thats what it is.

I've had a lot of bad luck lately. You could say i'm lucky to have what i have, in spite of all my terrible problems, but it doesnt change that i have lost so very much, due to trusting people. This has always been my fault - to trust others too much.

Its my nature to trust.

The truth is, when people need something from you, they tell a good story and they put on a good act, and they even concince themselves of their own worthiness or your trust. But when you are the one in need, and you dont lie and put on a front, then you become a repulsive leper and noone will touch you or help you - why because they are afraid they will fall down with you, and in many cases this is true.

But I've lost it all, due to trusting people, over and over until the very last things i held dear were destroyed. I can't live a life without trust. this would mean i would have no heart.

I have no heart.

It's happened. I no longer trust anyone. I dont expect anything from anyone. I dont love anyone. I dont have any hopes for anyone. I dont have faith in the human race. I dont have faith in any gods. I dont have faith in my parents, or any so called friends. Because they have all collectively been my ruin. yes i am smarter now, but my spirit is destroyed.

I have a lot of talents, all wasted. When you have no spirit, you have nothing.

I'm not emo, i dont think its attractive to be a failure. I am a writer. I write about what i know. End of story.

I will always be at odds with my world and with my culture. Until it makes sense to me. When I am wrong, i rejoice to have learned something new.

Noone can tell me otherwise or convince me that this life is not a scam.

However in other news. In spite of my heavy weight on my shoulders every day, i intend to move ahead. I have a strong sense of integrity and value my time. I will crawl forward if its all i can do. I refuse to sit and die. It just hurts and its so hard to start over with nothing. again and again. because i wont go to sleep and buy into the american dream.

Raccoons and Cave Men

2009-03-19T13:25:00.001-07:00

Do Raccoons Like Working?

They dont have 9-5 jobs thats for sure...

9-5 is a great time to be busy - its good for you - especially if you are out and about in the elements and fresh air and sunshine.

No job is easy. I don't think anyone really wants an easy job. I think we all want a challenge that we can rise to meet and be proud of and prove our work and our value.

Raccoons arent lazy but they would never have a 9-5 job. They are too random, and busy to sit at a desk.

But raccoons get a lot done. They survive. They aren't like squirrels that have a system for everything, they are more just like random scavengers that tear up everything and say "dont mess with me" all day (or night) long.

Birds are kind of like 9-5ers. They have a short list of foods they need to gather and process, and they get up early and go to bed early. They are very vocal and social and have skinny busy legs.

But raccoons dont have a set plan - they have no idea what they are going to do. They just do whatever impulse comes. They can't help it, but it works for them. Why change.

also today...

I propose a new code.

Since we have managed to separate ourselves so far from nature, a key or code for what parallel meanings all the things we do are the equivalent to in nature.

for example:

watching tv | watching a campfire
getting in your car to go to work | going up the mountain to steal eagle eggs
suing each other | raping and pillaging other tribes you find along your journey
going on vacation | going on a spirit walk
mopping and dusting | sweeping the dirt cave floor with fir tree boughs
shutting all the windows and doors in the house | rolling the stone in front of the cave
eating fast food | eating berries that birds have shit on
paying for insurance | being very careful and prepared and innovative
paying taxes | sharing your extra belongings with your community
riding an exercise bike | not even cave men had something so dumb

Launch Day

2009-03-17T21:40:00.001-07:00

img102p2
Originally uploaded by mojokiss

so i like this image because of most all of the images i shot this day, this one had what i like most - a nice head shot with great eyes, colorful funky hair, shaved head features, tattoos, piercings, skinny, drawn on eyebrows, sky, clouds, sunset colors, latex, and soft strobe.

the film i used however was very bad, cheap film.

Eff

2009-03-14T07:06:00.001-07:00

eff-big
Originally uploaded by mojokiss

Currently I feel and know that i am growing. In my photography, my general well being, and in my lifestyle habits. I'm getting up early in the morning now. I'm eating pretty good. Dad has a garden and i have been eating out of it. My images are making progress with film. I'm getting really into shooting with natural light and working with new types of compositions and concepts mixing nature shots and still life shots with model shots. This will be ongoing.

Today i am set to go to a few events. One is to play at a friends dads birthday party and the other is a party for local artists. I might even hook up my sewing machine to tailor a tshirt to wear since i dont have any clothes left from traveling and moving so much.

I'm finding that the more i do the things i like, the less i care what others think, also i know in time if i do what i like, everything else will follow suit and work around me, because i stand my ground. People usually take the path of least resistance unless they are visionaries and pioneers. Those people are ok too, because they usually respect those who are like themselves.

This photo is recent and an example of my new work.

Spring is Sprung

2009-03-11T22:40:00.001-07:00

Porcelain
Originally uploaded by mojokiss

I just had a revelation while being in a half sleep half wake state. I don't know what it means except that for me, its the uncovering or shining new light on something simple that has always been near me and around me.

I just randomly saw a ring in my imagination. It was joining two strings or ribbons and being demonstrated as a tool. I considered it a tool all at once. Then I was delighted by the novelty of pursuing the idea of a ring as a tool. It seemed in a single notion, to be as universal as the wheel, or even the sun and moon and earth and the universe itself. Now that i think of it, hasn't it been speculated and calculated that the universe is in the shape of a ring?

In any case, the next thing i thought of was to ask the question, in my dazed state, what other things are shaped like a ring that can be used as a tool, and of course i thought of the wheel, as mentioned, and then I thought of a spiral staircase, of all things, which is not shaped like a ring unless you view it from above. And this made me think of a spring shape. A spring is also a tool. Its a piece of metal or flexible material that bends while being in the shape of a spiral. At first this wasn't too amazing to me, but then i was interested in the word meanings of all this. I meditated on the letters and realized, which is apparent already in this writing, to the reader, that RING, SPRING and SPIRAL have commonalities grammatically. But there is another which makes it even more personal.

SPIRIT
SPEAK
SPIN

and we compare that to:
-RING
SPRING
SPRINT
SPIRAL

SPIRITUAL VORTEX

A spiral staircase carries you up one step at a time in a ring or spinning fashion.

DNA - the double helix - is a vortex. It is a spinning spirit spiral created by god speaking - made of sugars... mayby ASPARTAME hahaah

so enjoy that word study - i know I do. I feel this has been a revelation that i will not every forget. Its a link (which is also a ring) that continues my older forms of thought and revelation having to do with INSPIRATION which is also derivative of "ring" because it was convoluted from the word spirit/spring/ring

other similar sounding words with meaning:

Super
Sample
Sapien
Supply
Sharp
Stamp
Supple
(these are all somewhat a stretch)

Thinking of SRING as a season and how it is a spiral upward with spiritual growth and activity where the DNA of plants and animals is spiraling madly to be formed and reformed and reproduced.

-me

Show and Tell

2009-03-11T06:44:00.001-07:00

lose lose lose

2009-03-11T00:16:00.001-07:00

jenn mosoleum
Originally uploaded by mojokiss

28mm on 35mm

HI - so man - im like... SICK of a lot of stupid stuff..

like - so many things i used to put stock in im finding are just meaningless.

underneath it all, where is the soul?

now im left looking for things that are meaningful all over from the start.

so many things are fake - people and appearances are fake -

CONTRIVED

-people who arent so much into what they are doing for the love of it - but for the money and fame.

Its not for me.

I dont mind being famous or known - it is something that comes and goes and can be bad or good, but to work just for fame and money while trying to appear to be the best, even when you know, you aren't or when you know you're just posing, faking, marketing, and working on your public image, its sickening to me at this point.

You'll notice my logo is getting smaller. eventually ill phase this out into a less stylized logo, and eventually just put something in my images to let you know its my image, and not sign them at all.

Art is hard. You can't fake it - not to the people who can think and discern for themselves.

Right now.. i want to skip and not go to a major event i am slated for. it would be the wimpy thing for me to not go - honestly i dont have the money to go. And i dont really want to be in the middle of all the fakeness... i dont wanna see it and i dont wanna be looked at... i dont wanna be pulled this way and that by models. I like photographers... they are sometimes some really great people - and i have some good friends who are also models.

But at this point, its overload... i dont want and cant handle any more models in my life. They bring a lot of drama sometimes - and i can't handle any more of that. And on top of that, the business side of girls and alt wars... is something i am not remotely interested in any more, or perhaps was ever interested in.

I liked the idea of shooting cool interesting and pretty girls and getting recognized for it and paid.. but now those girls arent cool interesting or pretty to me, and the fame is useless and the money is not worth the effort and bulk effort required. so its a lose, lose lose situation.

All I have left, is my art. Myself, my journey. I have not arrived and i will never arrive, i have no destination, just movement, and i choose to move away form anything stupid.

Wood and Water

2009-03-10T01:06:00.001-07:00

ipodstand 016
Originally uploaded by mojokiss

Does everyone burn the same amount of wood per year?

Maybe wood isn't burned much.

It IS a little outdated.

But i know that oil has been burnt for some time now.

Give me oil in my lamp. I believe a genie lamp was just an old form of lighting with oil

So - I wonder if everyone burns the same amount of oil - instead of wood.

Like - a guy who is ship wrecked on an island, and a girl who lives in a castle. I wonder if they burn the same amount of oil... er - wood.

Well the girl might burn oil as wood but the guy might only burn wood - but then, the guy might be able to burn oil - if he can find any - but why would he? whats the point of burning oil over wood? or wood over oil?

how warm would a fireplace be if it just burned oil? It would be a very different chestnut roasting experience and would make for some silly classic paintings. Perhaps wood burning in a fireplace is very wasteful. I'm not really sure.

I do feel that a cast iron wood burning stove heats a house more efficiently. In fact - its interesting that as of late, i have heard stories of some people still using them to heat their house - only they need wood. Why doesnt oil work in a wood burning stove? I still dont get it -

It would seem that a man living in a tropical island might need less wood to burn for heat. And the girl living in a castle would need more wood for heat if it was in a cold part of the world. I also hear that castles are drafty and very inefficient. I would speculate they are more for military strength than for comfort... Or for aristocratic sensationalism. And perhaps, use more wood.

But the man on the island may need more wood to build and rebuild his shelter. He may tho, use his shelter wood as firewood after it becomes useless as shelter wood and so use it efficiently. But if he makes an oven, in the ground, with stones, this would be even more efficient for his conservation of wood because the heat would not escape into the air.

Why dont we all burn wood in our homes? It makes a lot of smoke. It takes up a lot of space, its heavy and hard to move. People dont really even use oil, they use natural gas to heat. But not for light. For light they use electricity.

I heard there was a law proposed that all US citizen would have to use only florescent bulbs by the year 2014 - it was on youtube and was filmed in the house of the senate of something. It talks about how all florescent replacement bulbs are made in china... i wonder if this is how we will pay china back our debt. I wonder if this was the plan all along at least in part.

I'm still a big fan of kinetic energy. This is energy that has to do with an object in motion or potentially in motion. You can store it in the form of a rotating cylinder underground. there is no waste except in the form of friction heat, which is fine. Kinetic energy can be exchanged for a few different applications such as mechanical to psi, electrical, etc

There is a saying "Cut Wood and Carry Water" I was told this when i was hanging out with kung fu practitioners. This is not a lesson - its more of a question. How do you cut wood and how do you carry water? We all do it... or someone does it for us. How do we do it? We are all accountable for our own use of energy and materials. And all materials are gained through energy, whether we are nomads and feed ourselves to journey to a cave, then the cave is gained through the food we eat, or if someone brings us sticks, then they have afforded the food to move their feet to bring us those sticks, and we pay them for their food so they can bring the sticks. But to pay them for the sticks we need to pay also for our own food so that we can work and gain the money or goods to give to the person bringing us the sticks.

Did you know - toxins can pollute rain clouds and then can fall on farmland and food land and ruin the soil so that food can not be produced and this way, pollution directly causes food prices to rise. I believe the longer we pollute, the more we will pay for food, to the point that food becomes a luxury.

This would not be a problem if we all had land, because we could all farm on our own land, but in an economic crisis, especially long term, we are stuck because of property taxes, we will not be able to afford to live on our own land, unless we have money. Is this right, good and fair? Perhaps there should be exceptions made for times when the economy is bad. I dont think everyone should always have to pay proper tax. Luxury tax, i can fully understand - even sin tax, because these are things we do not need. But taxing our very homes and the land we live on, is something i think would be ridiculous in hard times, in fact, NOW. So how can we feel safe anywhere... secure anywhere? We know that in desparate times, we are all going to end up homeless regardless of if we own our land or not. you will hear "you arent paying your property tax, so we are going to take your home and youll just have to live somewhere else" and just leave you on the street.

food for thought

What if there were a special way to grow food in a way that you didnt need sunshine, water or dirt or even land? This would be pretty cool huh? So how close can we get to this? Because food is important and what is our plan B if we have a food shortage like africa? And why do so many people live in these hungry places? not to be mean but - why arent they just all dead? Why are they always seeming to just be so hungry and skinny for years and years now? Is this just something that happens once in a while and they just get really skinny over there like once every 3 years?

I also wonder if the "global warming crisis" is just a ploy to keep china from producing too much industry, and to create more jobs for regulators... and other political reasons. I dont know - but its got to be a part of the allied talks and such - to the point that its a shared agreement to monitor and try to control the output of polution and waste.. etc etc. It just seems very strange to me - yes of course we want to waste less, but why is it so stylish amongst political leaders now?

I wish that i could just reach out when i was hungry and be able to grab some food whenever i wanted it without having to pay for it.

Why does food cost money? Because it costs energy. It takes effort to produce and process. There is a limited supply, and it has to be shipped and packaged and inspected and regulated and sometimes taxed. Much food that is produced is also rejected and thrown out or lost to pest and freezing and drought. This drives up the price and value of food as well.

I want to feel more secure - i want to be able to make my own food, my own energy and my own way of life, the way i want to - that is all i want in life. I dont want to shout or fight - i just want to have what i need and not be a slave to anyone. I really dont think slavery is good. I wonder why the indians didnt become a part of america, and become citizens. Maybe it was the language barrier. That didnt stop us from having slaves... why didnt we make slaves of the indians? they were closer, they were savages in the minds of the founders... right? why did we go all the way to africa??? why didnt we just make slaves of each other? just go outside with a net and catch random people and say - BAM you're my slave now - but dont worry i dont give beatings and you'll get a nice bed. just stay away from my women.

Well if i have to pay property tax, I AM A SLAVE. And if all my options to make and provide my own food and my own shelter and energy are removed, then I AM A SLAVE! Also, my value as a human being, or as anything is lowered, and i am expendable and used only as a tool by the system or i am forgotten and locked away.

So I want to be free - and have security - not in the system, but in my own abilities, and my own resources. Why are so many regulations being passed every day that make it next to impossible to exercise direct self provition and creativity? Because we are being trapped to only be able to recieve from a source that is separate and above us... and it is getting this way more and more and our value is becoming less and less and so is our learning and power as a people, as a person, as a creative, thoughtful individual

Some Guitar with Mojokiss in Pajamas

2009-03-06T21:04:00.001-08:00

Major Test

2009-03-06T17:41:00.000-08:00

first of all - this is my "style" which is important for this topic

[INTRO] this is a spontaneous "paper" that i just sat down to write based on a very profound and epic lighting test i just did in the interest of switching my style from digital to film and needing to know what the eff im doing in my film camera. I want to see what my style would look like on film so i have thrown all of my assets into my film efforts...

[BODY]

OK so my mojokiss style is a shot exposed for sky and then filled in with a soft strobe for key light all taken place usually just before or after sunset. If before, i may shoot with the sun at a 45 degree off view, or after with the sunset in full view.

So I've been in a huge transition i actually sold my digital and have been getting into film in away that i am learning to use strobes, and a sekonic light meter. This has been a costly and sometimes ridiculous adventure. I have not had many good shots come out - while shooting film and/or being "on the road". I've acquired and lost costly gear, and have shot some half as stuff i wasn't proud of, and left a lot of friends and models disapointed, at their expense, i am learning new things.

I have/had lost nearly every cruicial piece of gear i need lately to shoot, so i have not really been shooting except experimentally with unorthodox very non-mojo methods. This is worth something, but not very exciting for my supporters and fans. So I went to home depot and low's nearly ever day last week building solutions to replace hear i had lost. Tonight I tested out that gear but only with my light meter and i have some interesting "numbers" to share in th form of my camera and my technique that i feel strongly will prevail - and the problems i have run into on the way.

[THE LIGHT TEST]

about 10 minutes AFTER sunset - no clouds

reflect metered the sky at 45 degrees from the western horizon

at iso 100 and f2 i got about 1/80 or so

so to achieve f2 i set my strobe at lowest power with a decent sized reflector umbrella tested at 3 feet from the back of my strobe

note - test ambient first with desired fstop and then set your strobe as desired to suit. adjust settings as needed achieve a functional shutter speed

so that was my goal there - to shoot at f2 - so that is why i have gathered these numbers on the scale of f2

[SCENARIOS]

Now - what if i didnt wanna shoot at 10 minutes after sunset? I would have to up my shutter speed first as high as it would sync and then follow that with my fstop upwards of 5.6 or so - and then my light would follow that by powering it up to perhaps full power because its a weak light. So this gave me the notion of dong my deeper depth of field or "mojo shots" just before sunset because they would be more suited to a tighter fstop such as f5.6-f8 and then I could change my lens and put on my 50mm f2 lens for the later shots, but still operate handheld at about 1/60th and shoot more shallow dof stuff but still have perfect ballance of exposed sky and proper key light

[PROBLEMS WITH STYLE]

the main problem with this style is whatever is not directly struck by sunlight or strobe comes out almost black. In negative pro film, this isnt as huge of an issue as it is with slide film or the average affordable digital camera, because of lattitude issues. A multi thousand dollar camera will give detail to these dark areas that you can pull out in the post production. So one solution for me is to get as much sky as possible in my images and as little landscape as possible (because after sunset it doesn't get any direct light except for what is reflected from the atmosphere and it usually isnt enough for most cameras) So this is why the use of small features near the model works so well, as they can be illuminated by the strobe and give support to the model and shape to the composition and can be controlled by the artificial light. The sky can be controlled as well, so all elements can be controlled in this way. This is why beach shots work out so well - because the water reflects the sky and appears to be illuminated but you are really only looking at the sky in this way. The sand can become very dark if you are too far from the water because you can only see the sand at times, when illuminated by flash this late in the day.

[BACKLIT SUBJECTS]

I love when the sun is in the hair and on the edges of the body of the model blended thoughtfully with the soft key light of the strobe. Usualy this back light comes out looking about perfectly exposed if the ambient light and shutter are exposed for the blue in the sky to be middle grey or so. This is hard to do before sunset because the sky has such a high dynamic range its impossible to capture. So before sunset you have to "look away" from the sun without getting the model to turn her head into it. So i have to turn the camera 45 degrees off - OR put the sun directly behind the models head and shoulders to replace the overly dynamic parts of the sunlit sky with her perfectly lit body. Either way, i always light to put the lights at polar opposites of each other producing the softest shadows between the sun and strobe on the models face and body. (just look at headhunters work)

[SUMMARY]

Since I am shooting film, all this has to be metered and its a crazy dynamic environment where when one light or setting changes, they all change. So I am going to set up two scenarios as landmarks and failsafes for me to stick with and deviate from as needed.

all are iso100 and 35mm film plane with subject 3 feet from back of light pointed into a reflector umbrella:

Before Sunset:

28mm prime f8 1/125 adjust strobe to highest power and shoot as early before actual sunset as my light power will allow. shoot till 5 min after sun sets. the sky will get darker in the images - let it, or adjust shutter speed to around 1/60 for some shots before changing lenses and strobe power

After Sunset:

50mm prime Nikkor f2 and lower strobe power about half with a shutter of 1/125 down to 1/15 as desired finally ending with strobe powered all the way down for the final shots and perhaps use a tripod for the last 4-8 shots or so if using 36 exposures.

notes on long shutter speeds:

(to avoid bad shutter drag and blur when unwated)
hand held - 1/60 and above
tripod with model 1/15 and above

I wanted to share this to see what conversation, support and opinions it might spark.

my film scanner

2009-03-05T00:46:00.001-08:00

my film scanner
Originally uploaded by mojokiss

I love this thing. It does a lot for me. I have a lot of issues with my workflow and this thing is not one of them. it works. it works very very very WELL!!!!!!

Now i have to get better at getting rid of blur in my 35mm images. I drag my backgrounds way too much. Sometimes they bleed over the model/subject and reveal the strobe exposures and they become really fake or ugly looking mistakes.... i dont like it. I suppose i could use a tripod. That would get rid of a lot of my issues.

I have so many issues. Location, feeling motivated, feeling that my shoots live up to my expectations. Shooting nudes or fancy wierd pics inside a hotel room is what im all into. Its so easy. You are so free and can do so much - youre happy. I have never shot in a hotel, well once in clearwater. What did i do with those images? I wish they were film.

I just wanna start over. I wanna get out there and shoot like i used to shoot - just shoot every single day. Whats wrong with me? Whats happening to me? Something is so very very wrong and i need to fix it now.

Im a loser... everyone knows this. Thats one of my problems. I have failed at everything i have ever touched.

Now is a very hard time for me. I dont even know or understand why. But i'm about to get so sick of it that im about to explode!

mojokiss - porcelain

2009-03-02T00:14:00.001-08:00

mojokiss - porcelain
Originally uploaded by mojokiss

not as glamorous as it looks... but she is amazing! but i am not supposed to care.

my blackberry wine pal

2009-03-01T01:37:00.001-08:00

my blackberry wine pal
Originally uploaded by mojokiss

so i lived in this place for like a few months. I really needed a place at the time - and i put this bulletin out on myspace. malissa replied and said they had a garage. I went and checked it out and moved in pretty much right away. It had electric but no water. bugs were free to travel in and out as well. Eventually i was visited frequently by many friends and new models. They would be surprised at what a little shit hole i lived in, but expressed appreciation for its charm.

old film freshly developed

2009-02-28T21:56:00.001-08:00

old film
Originally uploaded by mojokiss

Fashion Train

2009-02-28T03:02:00.001-08:00

Fashion Train
Originally uploaded by mojokiss

This one looks pretty with the bokeh and the angles. someone said she should be looking out... well she wasnt! this is another 35mm film experience. My new scanner is really great. Its an Epson 4490. It scans fast, and furious and its amazing. I only paid $40 on ebay free shipping. It scans like a $1200 scanner if you ask me... maybe not... but practically. try one and you will see! I wanna marry it already. It was my missing ingredient in shooting film. The model is Megan Woods. This shot was really lifestyle fashion looking and pretty and i love it. Its evidence of a new style for me, and breaking out into more subtle directions.

Fire Fetish 35mm

2009-02-18T23:02:00.000-08:00

Unicorn Porcelain 35mm and Photoshop

2009-02-17T15:06:00.000-08:00

porcelain 35mm plus edit

2009-02-17T14:26:00.000-08:00

Ashli St Johns River 35mm

2009-02-17T08:36:00.000-08:00

My Last Digital Shoot???

2009-01-12T17:23:00.000-08:00

we will see if this is my last digital shoot [ever?]

dakin

2008-11-20T20:44:00.001-08:00

asphyxia

2008-11-20T19:44:00.000-08:00

Tara Ryze Back in Black

2008-11-02T00:42:00.001-07:00

Tara was over for Halloween and we watched movies. Adams Family and Edward Scissor Hands. We lit candles and i pretty much sat and layed around most of the time and enjoyed her good makeshift home made meals and our usual espresso and foamed half n half. As i remember, earlier i threw my phone on the tile and it exploded into little peices because my service from tmobile has pretty much been completely useless and terrible. I'm going today in fact (updated - today is monday) to get a phone. I'm writing this on monday nov 3. But in retrospect it was a rough afternoon, i had just gotten home from playing at the recording studio for $50 which i enjoyed, but i messed up and i was gonna deliver my trolling motor to this guy for $80 and my between my phone messing up and getting back to him late he went back across the bay to tampa, so im gonna go bring him the motor today before i catch my train. well back to this image. she got the idea from a drawing and i thought she did a great courageous job going with that inspiration. I'm happy with the results. The original had a grey curtain behind it that looked ok but i ended up using this graphic in the back. She has a name for this picture now - i dont know what it is. something like underground berlin military girl.

julie anne

2008-10-31T01:15:00.001-07:00

the goal of this particular part of the shoot was to capture the bootie. it was fun. i like to capture bootie. julie wanted some new pictures. she doesnt really shoot much lately. she's been busy making movies.

alycia

2008-10-28T06:11:00.000-07:00

she does great work i think. i enjoy workin with her, and you would enjoy it too. in fact shes only 18 and could use some variety in her portfolio so let me know if you wanna shoot her. shes not really online anywhere yet.

roaches

2008-10-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

if you cant beat them, join them

i have a recurring roach. he/she climbs out around this time. she just crawls up the wall and over my computer desk, under the hanging hats and hammer and whisk broom, and down the other side until she goes out of my view.

i'd be crushed if i ever crushed her.

i get really sad when i hurt insects. i treat them equal with all animals. i get depressed, i cry, i hold them and bury them, and if i was the one to kill them, i feel terrible for at least 15 minutes. about the same i would for a human or a dog.

but i always feel better, when i see the little ants come and carry away to the roach wings, legs and eyeballs, because i see all the positive energy going into the other life.

there's my little roach again. shes feisty tonight. i think its the cooler dryer temperature outside tonight. shes happy and alert tonight. i think shes probably getting to know my vibe better as well. shes comfortable with me. shes playing and having fun. she stays right here where i am. shes my little guardian - i always check under my feet if i have to move my shoes around.

I dont know why roaches crawl on the walls, but we have to remember that roaches are not just about one thing but they have many goals and instincts. they have to eat, hide, and have sex. they have to learn their environment, and where its safe, and they have to clean their little feet and antennae. They do a lot of stuff.

i sometime looks very closely and observe roaches as they walk around on my food and plates that i serve my guests with. they turn their head gracefully as they observe and carefully discern their changing surroundings. They delicately move their body with razor accuracy and precision with everything they do. I watch them when they are at rest, and when they are active. I always tell my over night guests do not kill my insects or my reptiles.

yes i have reptiles running free in my house. I feel like god because altho i could intervein, i try not to. the reptiles eat the roaches if possible. As much as i love roaches, i love all the other animals equally. but if i wanted to save a favorite roach, i might, perhaps i would,

all things have an end and just how they end makes up part of the whole existance of an animals life. if i help an animal live, that animal might go and do something terrible and then it would be me who dishonored nature, but i am a part of nature and not so far above it that im detached, but is compassion truely good? is compassion a malfunction, or is it meant as a survival tool that we use to carry on our species?

sometimes roaches get caught on all the duct tape i have laying around from my lighting gear. i gently pour warm soapy water on the tape and then help move the hook like talons from the tape until the roach is free. then i watch the roach run away.

its a loving relationship but sometimes roaches just get too hyper and out of hand and they piss me off. when they fly it makes me so upset sometimes that i have to throw something at them, or just leave until they settle down. i think they fly because they are horny.

i dont want to encourage overpopulation of roaches in my house. thats why i try and clean up the grocery remnants when i can. i leave out just enough to feed my roaches. i keep the windows and door shut most of the time. but sometimes critters find their way in, and once they are in, i have to take care of them. but sometimes lizards and geckos get in. they may or may not survive in here. I have found at least 2 dead lizards.

i ate a roach the other day. it was in my coffee. i thought it was maybe a piece of food that was stuck in my teeth from earlier. i dont remember how i knew it was a roach, maybe because i spit it out and looked at it, or because there were more in my coffee. i leave my coffee sitting around sometimes.

i dont like eating roaches, but i once put about 20 lady bugs in my mouth and let them crawl around on my toung and lips while someone took video of it. i used to do anything to fit in, but was i really fitting in? no. i am incapable of fitting in anywhere.

I have always loved nature, but i do get creeped out by large insects. i get totally screechy i scream and run and cry like a little girl.

i remember catching crickets when i was younger and i showed my friend and he screamed and started crying. it was at a track meet. my brothers were into sports and i was not, so i would crawl around the bleechers the whole time - sometimes i found money, sometimes bugs apparently.

sometimes if i find sick insects i try to help them. i found a geriatric butterfly once and kept it in a little glass box and fed it sugar water. it learned my voice when i would approach and it would untwirl its tounge and get ready to drink the sugar water i used to hand feed it.

thats insects. ive had a lot of things happen with animals. you dont realize just how much we sepparate ourselves from animals every day. domesticated animals do not represent all animals. domesticated animals are crippled freaks of nature, just like white people.

dots, if you care

2008-10-15T05:49:00.001-07:00

so tonight i think sort of finally realized something. there's a world inside these pictures. its like alice in wonderland. its like looking in a mirror, and stepping into it. life in frames... in one frame. life made up of key frames. the frames that matter, the ones that stand out in our head. the vectors of land marks and the points in a coloring book... connect the dot, connect the images, the important ones are the dots. the dots. its all about the dots. is your image a dot? or is it just an imaginary line in the head of the world? shoot dots.

so it all comes down to an image being important. thats all. so what makes it important? we dotn always know, we just know its important. we make it important, somehow, we refine and design and bind the scene... together, and apart. until whats left is right and whats left out is wrong. it all adds and subtracts to equal importance.

we want to make something important and be part of something important and we want to be important.

An image isn't real but its proof that somethings real, something in our dreams, its a breath we feel, this image, its the wind and its the evidence of spirit and thought

thats why talent is so important, and passion in an image. action, flow, expression, drama, substance, true content, substance. importance. something to look at, and to be seen.

i could elaborate but my words would be too obvious and the foolish arent meant for my words. the wise listen and understand

a masterpiece a day

2008-10-15T04:53:00.000-07:00

more lil red and jenna

2008-10-14T18:48:00.000-07:00

ash

2008-10-08T03:14:00.001-07:00

tara

2008-10-07T14:27:00.001-07:00

Alycia

2008-10-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

Jenna

2008-10-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

thats jenna slutzky again. have shot here a couple of times now - 3 actually. i have some other pics from this shoot which her friend joined in on - it was fun. i built a 4 sided scaffold for the lighting in my house

beach nude

2008-10-03T01:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a friend on a beach. just a girl, laying the way i told her to lay. had a beauty dish nearby. canon digital rebel xt. recent image

Honky Tonk

2008-09-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

I love it - all the old sounding honky tonk stuff. I've touched on it here and there. I play fiddle myself, i've done my fair share of time on stages all over the coutnry, but never REALLY played with a real honky tonk type of band, and im just learning that i love that stuff. To me it sounds like the stuff i've heard coming out of the delta areas of the Mississippi and Texas. Maybe - Tex-Mex is an applicable term here. Dwight Yokam - i went to school with his cousin shawn yokam; the mavericks - they had one hit called here comes the rain. I have some of my own music in a folder mojokiss.com/mp3/ there's like 50 of my songs there all just ideas recorded. i've never even been close to being published myself but ive played on tons of albums and still work as a studio musician. Of course there are hundreds of other bands that fit this category, but some are better than others.

tonight i'm about to go get my banjo (gibson rb-3) from a friends house. we got in a fight recently so im a little nervous about going over there and getting it. I'll be really happy when i get out of there with all my stuff tho finally. Then i have to go to another house and get my other bunch of stuff from there. These are basically garages i used to either live in, or use as studios.

I really want to start a band. I'm not sure it will start out as a whole band, probably not. I'll probably just play and sing mostly solo with other musicians sitting in.

Goin on a little photography tour soon. maybe i should bring my guitar with me and play at the L train stop in williamsburg like i used to do. its always pretty cool there. this time ill probably bring a couple people with me to jam along.

i need business cards

selling naked

2008-09-27T01:37:00.000-07:00

who's to say, that someone wont pay money to see great photos clothed or naked. perhaps, the value in the photos on the internet, would be the option to look at them full size and regular web size as well as thumbnail size. this would and does make it a more adventurous experience. I think people like to look at details, and this fits the model of reciprocity or an exchange of value. I would make good, large works of art, and offer as much quantity as i can, without skimping on quality at all, ever. how often do you see a full sized image available online? I see them sometimes on Deviantart, not many other places. it would be easy to charge money for a view and download of the larger files, and encourage the printing of them as long as the logo was intact, with website url.

i am all for erotic quality in my future works. its only one layer of interest in art, but an important one, to all of us i think, and at times controversial, but i think it belongs in my work somewhere. I think its rare and precious and a high calling to produce great art that has the erotic quality in it.

I've always been learning, and consider myself a student of art. I want to make art, and i've been trying to nurture my path towards more expressive creations.

I think internet advertising is becoming passe for the true artist. it doenst blend well any more, not for me anyways. there are more organic and respectable, while effective, ways to make your art accessible. One is word of mouth and being social. i believe in business cards, beer, bars, and travel for networking. i believe sometimes in collaborations which stir up colliding audiences.

i believe in multi media art as well. this just opens up a whole rats nest of possibility and people eat this up. its just hard to do and takes discipline and structure.

i'm tired of being in the service industry where i have to depend on models who cancel shoots to pay my rent.

i dream of art, creation, freedom, ability to move about and publish my work, and to get paid for some of it and be appreciated for making things that i am proud of, etc. the whole picture, but mostly i want to make art. i wanna make movies. short ones i suppose. funny mostly. i wanna make comedy. i wanna make all my impusive rants that i have with my friends come to life.

i'm not sure one can truly make a living selling naked pictures.

mojokiss

Pics from MojoKiss

2008-09-21T18:30:00.000-07:00

Spring Galleries 2007

2007-04-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

Alli

Angry Johnny

Kym 2

rachel lawn and car

stacy

Michelle

julie

megan and amy

Alina

the piano

candice bath

Kym

Gretchen

aurora

lena and art damage

katie and raven

rachel and veronica

raven

jill

The Silver Freak

2006-12-20T12:45:00.000-08:00

the mind of a photo enthusiast
is a mind from a very strange dream
waking up looking out of a mirror
trying to fit all the things that he sees

and when you harm yourself
you look so good to him
and when you walk away
he takes a picture

(rest) no you can't win
you can't get the upper hand
silver tounges bow down he sees through
your fear he sees you
until you walk away

the mind of a 14 year old
is a mind from a very strange dream
waking up to some hand written papers
all about who I think i am

and when you compliment me
i feel the scrutiny
and if I know you want me
i turned and walked away

(rest) no I can't win
I can't get the upper hand
silver tounges bow down I sees through
your fears I see you
until you walk away

Lyrics - Old Black

2006-12-17T13:30:00.000-08:00

old black mama in my head
i remember every word she ever said
she sang in the choir that the preacher lead
she saved me from the grave when i was dead

when she spoke she took her time
we'd share a jar of muskidine
sometimes the words she said would rhyme
of the days when she was nine

she would hold me close when i would cry and comfort me
smelled the wiskey and cigars every time she breathed
but to me it was a sense that told me i was real
saved me from my questions brought me to reality

old black mama in my head
i remember every word she ever said
she sang in the choir that the preacher lead
she saved me from the grave when i was dead

when she spoke she took her time
we'd share a jar of muskidine
sometimes the words she said would rhyme
of the days when she was nine

i have dreamed of mystics and i've dreamed of the deceased
dreamed of unseen spirits and bovine halfling beasts
all would sing and dance for my attention and compete
but only one would stand between myself and my defeat

ch

when she needed water for tomatoes she would boil
we'de go to the backyard through a gate that needed oil
pull the rusty handle and i never fathomed how
on the first or second pull cold water tumbled out

CH

Princeton, NJ

2006-11-27T23:46:00.000-08:00

Lyrics - Accidentally Happy

2006-11-27T16:07:00.000-08:00

I accidentaly got happy today
It was a mistake and now i must pay
Please wont you help take this two edged smile
out of myheart its tearing me apart

when i step up a step and i fall
its no real big trip not at All
but when i am flying too high
my wings turn to ashes and
I fall hard...

I accidentaly stepped into my way
i stumbled and fell
on my brand new day
someone was trying to clean up my room
and when i awoke
i started to fume

two new poeple inside me are both there
fussing and fighting
on who will take over all of my
rare fine treasures I'm hiding for only one

Lyrics - Whiskey Girl

2006-11-22T10:25:00.000-08:00

Come a little closer whiskey girl
Share my bottle and share my world
you know it aint no crime and it aint no sin
for you to take a little drink of my whiskey again

black eye liner and thats not all
with your boots on girl you're 6 feet tall
never seen you stumble never seen you fall
when you're drinkin up the last of my alchohol

take a swallow and wipe your mouth
set downt he bottle and wear me out
with your two tone eyes and your two tone skin
take a little drink of my whiskey again

etc

Lyrics - Comfortable

2006-11-21T14:43:00.000-08:00

Bm--------------------------Em--------------------
I'm so comfortable when I'm wearing rugged clothes
-----------A----------------Bb-------------Bm-
That are strong yet that can also bend with me
Bm-----------------------Em--------------------
I like how I look when my hair is out of place
------------------------A-----------D no 3rd
and it doens't look like it was freshly cleaned
-----------G------------------F#----------Bm
I don't like wearing what successful people wear
E--------------------------A----------
shirt tucked in a tie and executive hair

Dm7 - Fmaj7 - Bbmaj7
Dm7 - Fmaj7 - Bbmaj7 - A

I'm so comfortable when I'm sitting on a plane
sepparated from the sadness down below
I'm a happy man when i meet a little girl
looking for some sugar dad to take her home

I've learned so many things about myself
Getting from point A to B is only tha beginning

Dm7 - Fmaj7 - Bbmaj7
Dm7 - Fmaj7 - Bbmaj7 - A

I'm so comfortable when I've got something to do
Just enough so i don't look like im a creep
I'm a happy man when i got a little sack
full of things you cannot buy on any street

I walk a line most poeple cannot see
remember while in public i shouln't talk to me

the day im satisfied all the little girls will turn into violins
the day im satisfied all the wedding bells will melt from their stands
the day im satisfied i'll be a lying cheating lunatic
I'll grow my sideburns out to the ends of my shoulders
i'll go around saying do you like my skin tight sky blue polyester bell bottoms?
do ya? well doooo ya?
weelllllll
howl at the moon baby!
howl at the moon!

Lyrics - My Camera

2006-11-21T14:34:00.000-08:00

My Camera see's 3 dimensions
The light and dark the color image
when something ends when its beginning
my camera is so subjective

but my head is where all emotions lie
till proceeding from my mouth open wide
to become a part of another mind
till the camera snaps with another wind

I saw some kids in like for some fries
I saw their skin before the inside
they sat around the table with me
as family without questioning

then one of the children spoke of that white guy
and was corrected by one he was seated by
you shouln't call a person by the color white
or any other trait to set them aside

In my head is where all emotions lie... etc

comment - what i saw in the dark

2006-11-21T14:26:00.000-08:00

this is a heavy song - the title refers to when you dream - in the dark - and when light comes and you wake up, its hard to remember what you dremt - and its applied to my life with my ex-best friend and ex-first love, etc.

It starts out talking about some music that shannon gave me to learn so i could help her make her album, etc. and I wasn't really into it since she was seeing my ex best friend that she broke me up with.

What I Saw In The Dark

2006-11-21T14:15:00.000-08:00

I sat and listened to your songs
But I woulnd't sing along
Cause the feeling was so wrong
while the microphone was on

I'm supposed to play the part
but I have a hurting heart
everytime i try to start
reasembling your art

there's a face i always see
he has made things hard for me
while I'm trying to be free
of that constant memory

I used to have a heart for him
He was trusted as a friend
But all he wanted was to win
Well let's let the games begin

I'm drifting away more and more every day
Like so many clear skies when summer rains come
like parts of a child they're never the same
when seasons come and take them away

Like last night's dream it's breaking apart
Now my eyes cannot see what I saw in the dark

Morbid curiosity Manic concepts running free
We were shaking like a leaf My amps buzzing like a bee
and it will never be alright I will always have to fight
find a way to sleep at night keep that image out of sight

I'm drifting...

MMMMM LATTE

2006-11-17T13:43:00.000-08:00

i dont really know what to type about but i haven't written in a while - you get typos and all this time. i got a storage space in manhattan. thats good news. it was lucky that i was able to get it. it took all my money at the time tho.

life for me right now as usual is hand to mouth - someone or something provides me with places to stay every night however. Since i put my things in storage it has really freed me up with more energy to walk, and to even stop and relax with less on my mind.

I love subways. I love trains. I love meeting strangers. I like to sit int he subway and let my train pass several times just to have a chance to sit still for a while and to have a chance to meet people - and observe people. I really enjoy this as a daily practice. I have met some awesome poeple underground.

But yeah - life is going one day at a time. It revolves around being online in coffee shops.

Mostly I wanted to mention the storage unit. Its officialy my first place in manhattan and its 4feet and 4feet by 4feet.

I have a feeling i need to get some crazy clothes for hangin out in the subway.

can't think of anyting else to say - gonna drink my latte and chat and whatever

Couches

2006-11-15T08:47:00.000-08:00

I just know i'll make this a lot harder than it should be. I have a lot to write about and i really need to try to capture my experiences so I can look back at them with detail.

I'll start with right now. Its almost noon, on a wednesday in the west village, manhattan. I am on a couch in an eleventh floor apartment. The sky outside the open window behind me is overcast and the traffic far below is more soothing than harsh. The distance makes the sound more diffuse and the sounds impact my ears without integrity or form. I can see why some choose to live up high.

I got to this place last night. I was in the Dunkin Donuts on 2nd and 11th in the east village - they have free wifi. As usual, I didn't know where i was gonna stay that night and i was broke. I ended up getting a hold of a new friend who had offered me a place to stay for a couple nights. He said to come on down. I got lost on my way and keep in mind i was loaded with all my things and traveling by foot. I went way too far. Eventually i found his place and was really happy to be in a nice safe peaceful comfortable apartment for the night. I slept well and now I'm still reclined on this couch.

I've stayed on several couches recently. First it was Boston. I stayed with a friend, Careese for a month or so. It was around August. We were actually in Caimbridge. She had 13 les paul guitars. She was a dancer. I still keep in touch and she treated me very well while I was her guest and I was very grateful. We had some laughs plus she helped my portfolio out a lot which i still benifit from to this day. Then I was in NJ - wait... i should say first, the way i got to boston was by delivering a car. I brought up all my music and photography stuff... and a laptop. I even got paid by a passenger who helped me drive. He knows who you are and thanks goes out to him.

Ok so then i was in NJ and stayed on a couch after some party. I left the very next day and the host was displeased with me, so i heard. I really didn't understand it, because we had good conversation. I heard it was because I didn't say thank you. Then i was at lorianns boyfriend's house a while in the Montclaire area. For a couple days I slept in a storage unit in the basement. After leaving, i heard that the whole basement filled up with toxic fumes and someone said I would have died. But by this time, I was in a new place in NJ called Maplewood. I remember coming home the first day from the train and getting lost. I ended up having to sleep under a bush behind a law office just because i didn't have a phone on me or the address or phone number or last name of the person i was staying with. All i needed was to get online and i would have been fine - but the police station in south orange said they dind't have internet. I walked for a good 15 hours that day total because i was walking around with a friend earlier. At that point pain took on a new dimension. Well at the NJ house there was a dog and a bird. I stayed there for a month or so. Then I went to Princeton and stayed with Kent for a few days. Then i went to Manhattan and stayed with Lelah for a few days. Then Maplewood for a night and grabbed my guitar and some extra clothes and dropped off some things i just dind't need. Then back to Manhattan and hugn out till i got here where i am right at the moment of writing this.

Next I'll stay with Alex for a night or maybe two in Brooklyn. I'm also going back to Princeton for maybe 2 days or so.

I'm workin on my booking for shooting - as well as some music things.

Well I wrote about my couches and now I can go and do something else. You know - i have done a lot more than just slept on couches. I've actually done OTHER STUFF. This entry is focused on couches tho.

Safer Child

2006-11-11T09:25:00.000-08:00

she'll turn back into her child
when things get too grown up
trim you like a paper doll
soon she'll hang you up

and i become a ragedy andy
with his eyes open wide
a red yarn smile to compensate
the emptiness inside

children bend (iv) (melody is in minor: #4 5 1
they never break (i) #5 5 b3 (2,1)
just pretend (v)
the pain was fake (v)

the curtains fall (iv)
the act completes (i)
you leave resentment (i, ii7b5 (3 2 1 #5.. 5)
in your seats (4 2 1)

things dont change outside her
just everything within
cause when she finds her pediatric mind
thats when the show begins

she takes her joy from nearby toys
she makes her toys from nearby boys
she plays with fire like a friend
forgetting how to unpretend

children bend (iv) (melody is in minor: #4 5 1
they never break (i) #5 5 b3 (2,1)
just pretend (v)
the pain was fake (v)

the curtains fall (iv)
the act completes (i)
you leave resentment (it all) (i, ii7b5 (3 2 1 #5.. 5)
back in your seats (4 2 1)

East Village

2006-11-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

I was lucky last night and fortunate. Not only did i find that $20 on the ground, i got some money from my mom and dad... thanks guys! and then the hostel was FULL. So i was like hmph. And all the others were full but i finally found one open - and as i went to head to the subway to drag my bags up and down stairs and all over manhattan, i got a call from Jane and she ended up inviting me to crash at her and her roomates place. It was a real nice treat. I made us dinner and coffee... we cleaned a coffee pot out that had been sitting on top of her fridge for who knows how long and it worked. I boiled up some spinach posta and her roomate threw in some vodka sauce and we ate while exchanging blue humor. It was nice. Then i showered and stayed up on the couch editing photos. Then slept around 5 and got up around 9:30. I'm still waking up and its like 12:20 right now.

I'm included some photos from a recent roll of film. Enjoy!

These were taken in NJ in a "secret" location! The film was Fuji 160 low saturation - 35mm. Used my Nikkormat ftn body with a cheap 28mm lens (2.8).

Princeton

2006-11-09T12:34:00.000-08:00

Stayed with a good new friend, Kent. He does lots of music. If you like electronic stuff he's your man. He has his own style which is great. Also I met his buddy Zack today who is into photography and we got along really well. I also found $20 on the ground today. I'm at panera bread right now trying to figure out where im gonna stay tonight. The $20 helps. I'm thinkin of tryin to score a hostel someplace around 13th street or so. We will see how this goes!

My Girl

2006-11-07T11:18:00.000-08:00

i touched a girls back while she was reading a book.
my hand touched her warm soft skin
where her shirt wasn't able to cover
i kissed her ear.
and i quietly left.

i missed my girl. the one i had just met
in this place.
this dream land.
shes not far - she never is
but when i see her,
she's never near enough

i went next door and down stairs
howard stern was in his studio
in the next room was a warm gathering of locals
they all played something
they all spoke their own dialect

The girls walked together
the guys worked together and played together
i found my girl here recently
this is how we met

I felt something for her
something i haven't felt in years
I saw eternity
i saw no time at all

I felt something with her
gentle completion of my electrical circuits

the white dog was out catching oysters
he delivered them to me
on the half shell
we left him out at sea

a man was playing upright bass
and hanging from the cieling
and playing a broken cymbal

my girl has red hair and warm soft skin
she electrifies me

More on the love of Film

2006-11-05T23:22:00.000-08:00

I got some old pics back today that i took a couple months ago. The above pic was my favorite. There is something about a wide angle view, a short focal range, and 35mm film that makes me very happy lately.

This is another - just kinda cool ya know? I'm just starting out in this whole camera thing - when you are poor like me it takes longer... but it gives me lots of time to think.

My New Picture Gallery

2006-11-05T02:00:00.000-08:00

I made a flash gallery for many of my images. I'll have to be sure and get my other images off my other computer back home when i visit and add to it. The pics kinda tell a story - it will be a growing and changing gallery.

The More Things Stay the Same

2006-11-03T16:40:00.000-08:00

Computers always fuck up
I always fuck up too.

Whats up -

So I'm listen to the radio show i made last night

I've decided to get the hell back to Tampa Bay

why?

Because I'm worn out and things are much too inefficient here.

Maybe its the competition -

The close proximity of people all competing to be heard, known, fed, safe.

You would think a community would strive by coming together, not by competing...

But competition makes for skilled and specialized members.

So is that what we have today? -

yeah skilled... skilled at filling out resumes.

Anyways -

I'm just on a one track thought - back to Florida but first i have a few things i have to do.

There were some models that wanted to shoot with me.

And i have to meet with my friend Kent first too and get some pics with him probably and make a little page for him on here.

Well.

I'm gonna take the train to Tampa.

It's like $150 with baggage.

I can bring 250 pounds of stuff ... so i'll be able to bring most of my stuff and ship the rest.

No worries.

Well. Florida is easier for me.

fake nite radio

2006-11-03T00:26:00.000-08:00

I just recorded a 30 minute radio show. Its in my playlist.

To open my playlist click here

Also, the complete list of songs on the playlist are displayed here

Once in a while i like to make these radio shows. I let the recorder run and i sometimes make up voices and scenarios all in the spirit of giving my music an accessible platform.

In this new one - I do a few new songs or some revamped older previously unfinished ones.

I'd be glad to know you listened to the whole thing.

Lets Review, Shall We?

2006-11-02T20:46:00.000-08:00

Well, me and loriann hung out today and recorded some of her tunes. she did good and we got it done but the recording skips - cause of who knows - computers are wierd.

Here's some pics from tonight - all digital at low iso - blurry.

I have a couple days left till i head to princeton for a week to hang out with my friend Kent.

Tomorrow i am playing with a band at a place in Brooklyn called the Jalopy theater.

I been drinkin goats milk. I've always liked it.

I got a changer for the cell phone i found today - and it fit and it worked - but i'm taking it back cause the phone service has been turned off. Back to using my old trusty prepay i guess - i have to put some more minutes on it right about now.

I have to get some film out to a client - but the film was really bad quality - i bought it at CVS. I guess the combination of low light and cheap film messed it up. I used a digital for some too - and those were good exposures but mostly out of focus. It was hard - and not the kind of job i think i'll really end of doing much of. I prefer to do more relaxed events where i can experiment... but in all - i should have known better - i should have used my flash on auto and i should have gotten pro film earlier on instead of looking to buy it that day. There was nothing but really crappy film in that part of town that night. I was pretty surprised.

I lost my mind in a open mic at a coffee house the other night. I dont wanna talk about it but i told one blues player to fuck off. I guess I'm turning into my old teacher, frank mullen. If you had him you would understand! He's a world famous instructor.

bomb shell blues

2006-11-01T19:52:00.000-08:00

i'm a broken bomb shell
like a rusty double A

I'm a broken bomb shell
worn out like a rusty double A

My fuse is getting shorter
If you want to get any older stay away

I'm a busted fuel tank
and im leaking all around
" "

let this be a warning
dont throw no fire on the ground

I dont blame you for nuthin
theres no time to go back now

" "

but i can't change my condition
this steam engine's going down

i am the homeless preacher

2006-11-01T19:34:00.000-08:00

well im a homeless preacher man
I'll kick your ass
and thats the only teachin i can pass

well im a homeless preacher man
the heavenly land
i'll send you there if you push me where i stand

nobody will know just
who put you away
i'll be singin slow
until my final day

take the straight and narrow
and you will find
you'll be alone and you'll be moanin while you cry

i'm the homeless preacher man
you're gonna die
don't step on me i will choke you if you try

nobody will know just
who put you away
i'll be singin slow
until my final day

im the homeless preacher man
i speak out loud
im not your saviour - not pious and not proud

im the homeless preacher man
i'll kick your ass
if i am walkin
you better let me pass

Street Lust

2006-11-01T00:19:00.000-08:00

Some good times were had at the halloween parade that the east village started some 30 years ago. It made me wish it could be a masquerade all year round. I love the playfulness and joy of the festivities. I love how it brings the social vibes to life - and people feel encouraged to interact with one another - to celebrate life... and the pursuit of happiness... and time off of work.

Tonight i was invited by my friend Alan to go to the Halloween parade. I had a pretty good time and learned some great new things about fuji film and my automatic flash. I'm really encouraged tonight and i really needed this experience with film to gain my confidence in the medium. I'm more into film now than ever after tonight. It makes me glad to have been so devoted, and it takes devotion - especially this day and age.

I was happy with the quality that the 400 speed fuji film yielded. I bought the film from adorama in manhattan and the film was kept chilled. I have yet to try the 800 and 160 speed but i have rolls of both in the fridge here.

I used my dad's 1967 nikkormat ftn 35mm that he pretty much gave me, and a 28mm 2.8 lens i bought a while back. I've been pleased with all 3 of my lenses to this day very much so far. you can click on the above pic for more detail.

The problems i ran into tonight after the fact, are that i burned the film with my flash being too intense. I should have stopped down and sacrificed background ambience but i really wanted the b/g to look important so i didn't risk it - i was WRONG to do this and I have learned a little more about my flash. If it says to set it at f4. set it at f5.6 and compensate by dropping the shutter down a notch. This gets really scary in low light... when the shutter gets down below 1/30 - and its something i have been meditating on... however i fixed it in photoshop.

My flash has a setting that drops it to a fixed gn of 10 which is 1/8 of the full power. I'm thinking of using this knowledge to lower my flash level and let me open up my apeture a stop more. I might keep handy a neutral filter to calm the flash down a bit - or maybe a warming filter and kill a couple birds at once.

furthermore............

I found a red gel just laying ont he ground tonight - only in nyc does something like this happen on any random day. so i put it over my flash for some shots = goin to get those developed today.

and....

I want to thank alan for all the incredible wonderful support and friendship he has extended to me! thanks alan! you have been a great huge positive intervention in my life lately.

that's him there! he also is my legal advisor and professional listener.

cheap portable studio project

2006-10-31T00:43:00.000-08:00

made this pic tonight. I dont have a pro digital and i didn't feel like shooting film cause i wanted instant feedback - so i had to set my point and shoot digital up to trigger my off camera flash with its own flash. I taped aluminum foil to the cameras flash to bounce it up into a light sensor i had on a stand just above the camera's tripod. that sensor was connected with a cable to a vivitar flash on another stand which is the one that you see making the light in the picture.

the vivitar was set on automatic at f2. and had a home made snoot around it to control the flood of the light. the snoot was made out of a brown lunch bag, aluminum foil and scotch tape. the foil was placed on the outside to further block the light and help shape the snoot.

I used a microphone boom stand for the main flash. This is a new technique for me of late. It's able to reach out and over a subject and put a light down onto the subject from above - but in this case i dind't need it for that.

note - sometimes when using optical slave triggers, i use aluminum foil to gather light into the sensor if its not firing right. Also - i use aluminum foil for another thing... when i use an automatic flash into a reflective umbrella, i mount the flash with the thyristor sensor facing the subject but i point the flash tube straight up and divert the light with the foil evenly into the umbrella. This way, the thyristor does its job and the light is generaly exposed the way it should be.

All of these techniques are somewhat untested as of now - and i have a ways to go before i know how they will act with my manual film camera

-the digital camera i used here was $150 at walmart on close out - 5mp pentax
-the flash was maybe $50
-the stands are about $30
-the slave sensor $15
-flash adapter for stand - $15
-plus batteries, and the foil and bags and tape

-cheap portable studio $265

lyrics - brown machine

2006-10-30T22:58:00.001-08:00

im livin in a brown machine
down by the river boat queen
my daddy says im lazy
my momma thinks im crazy
my baby's just a worried bout me
cause im a livin in a brown machine

i used to wake up in my mommas house
round about 4 pm
but i started having trouble feelin proud
thats when i started makin my plans

i cleaned out the back of my ranger ford
grabbed my army bag and i walked out the door

im livin in a brown machine
down by the river boat queen
my daddy says im lazy
my momma thinks im crazy
my baby's just a worried bout me
cause im a livin in a brown machine

i traded in my computer to a friend
and got an old canoe
Now I take a shower in the waterfall
and in the woods i take a poo

When im in need of some dollar bills
i pack it up and i head for the hills cause im

im livin in a brown machine
down by the river boat queen
my daddy says im lazy
my momma thinks im crazy
my baby's just a worried bout me
cause im a livin in a brown machine

lyrics - too much

2006-10-30T19:57:00.001-08:00

too much information
your not a friend
to those that sin

too much hesitation
now that youve seen
the truth in me

now i dont even care anymore
those girls dont seem aware anymore
and everyones so paranoid
of filth
they see it in each eye and hear it in each
word

I met you in a dirty club with naked all around
you said you knew that we were meant to meet
you knew because your voises told you so

and then i spoke - you said that i should never hesitate
with things i say - you love to hear the truth
you want to scrape my brain
you sounded very strange

and even tho i warned you - i said you'll probably be
just like the rest of the... deep but oh so weak
you ran into the traffic - not knowing that your bones
are not the type of things to stand up to a
bumper of a ten ton truck a double layer bus
stop me if you've heard this one before

too much information
your not a friend
to those that sin

too much hesitation
now that youve seen
the truth in me

now i dont even care anymore
those girls dont seem aware anymore
and everyones so paranoid
of filth
they see it in each eye and hear it in each
word

why do you advertise your fishnet wares
why do you verbalize distaste for squares
but then you cross the line
from yours to mine
and see im out of line
and you say - I'll be over here

too much...

lyrics - nothing blues

2006-10-30T19:37:00.001-08:00

tomorrow didn't happen (D, C)
there's no need to fear (D, C)
in fact its almost over (Gmaj7)
cause its already here (...G, C7)
nothing left to do (F#m7, Bm7)
but sing and play the blues (

what good's it gonna do me
to think about my past
i should have known the darkess
was never gonna last
nothing left to do
but sing and play the blues

and i stop by every room
listen for that happy tune
my ear right up against the door
but i can't hear the sound no more

so i'm lost for for words today
and i'm left imagining
whats on the other side
of this cosmic comedy
left me with nothing to do
but sit and sing the blues (Gmaj Dmaj7)

so i'm lost for for words today
appologize if i hesitate
i'm just preoccupied
with all this empty space
and nothing left to do
(E/G#, Gm6)
sit here and sing the(D, A)
blues (rest, F, Bb, Eb, D)

lyrics - leaking life

2006-10-30T18:59:00.001-08:00

she makes her home from trash she finds
its hers alone no colors ryhme
she's seen me lose all hope and strength
shes seen me lose all faith in me

but she aint known the worst of me
and how it ends yet to be seen
all times before when things went wrong
abandon hopes and carry on

but now i'm tied my head is fixed
on foolish hearts and ugly tricks

the wine removes my shooting nerves
i work the clay I'm undisturbed

i'll shape IT into just a man
without a friend without a plan

I'll shape it as an empty cup
a broken jar that won't fill up

she makes her home from things like these
i throw them out and she retrieves
she makes her home from scratch and dent
THE shapes she finds don't compliment

and AS i'm broken leaking life
no wonder she can't pass me by

her finger prints are on my rim
her lipstick arche is pink and dim

and so i find my place of fame
here pierced and pinned her wall of shame

And once again i lose the game
before i knew i ever played

The cards i knew are rearanged
The mirrors on the wall have changed

lyrics - charity

2006-10-30T18:40:00.000-08:00

Because you'll
(C) give me anything
but you (Cmaj7) wont accept the same
oh (f) what am i to (G) you
a case of (C)charity

because you'll
feel inside your heart
and you'll think inside your brain
you owe it to me to
take good care of me

what about my feelings of pride
that you should be familiar with
and what of all my complex insecurities
that you should be familiar with
just as well
yes i'm
sure you're familiar with all of these

you say you want for me
to be happy and free
but that doens't make up for
how blind you can be

and still you carry on
with your kissy face and charm
and your sad when im not laughing
and not feeling warm

when i ask you what you want from me
i'd like to hear you just want me
but then the words as
light as anchors falling from an iron ship
crash around and shake me to the bone
its up to me whats that supposed to mean?..............................

Because you'll (C) give me anything
but you (Cmaj7) wont accept the same
oh (f) what am i to (G) you
a man with leprosy?

because you'll
feel inside your heart
and you'll think inside your brain
you owe it to me to
bandage up my wounds

what about my feelings of pride
that you should be familiar with
and what of all my complex insecurities
that you should be familiar with
just as well
yes i'm
sure you're familiar with all of these

lyrics - hate

2006-10-30T18:35:00.002-08:00

hates a strong word
but i'm a strong man
i hate the way you breath
and i hate the way you stand

i guess its just today
so i dont do nothing really
cause if i killed you now i'm sure
tomorrow id feel silly

I'll come visit you at your grave
And I know I'll cry on that day

you say im a light
but i've got an ugly side
It just woulnd't be right
if i try to hide

the fact that in my heart
I've killed a thousand smiles
I've torn a world apart
i've left a trail for miles

I'll come visit you at your grave
And I know I'll cry on that day

i wish youd die so i
could continue life without
my heart preoccupied
with carving yours right out

so i'll adjust my step
and just draw a simple line
i'll just wish you away
while i smile into your eyes

I'll come visit you at your grave
And I know I'll cry on that day

hates a strong word
but i'm a big strong man
i hate the way you breath
and i hate the way you stand

i guess its just today
so i dont do nothing really
cause if i killed you now i'm sure
tomorrow id feel silly

lyrics - it was me

2006-10-30T18:35:00.001-08:00

I carved a word into my skin
5 months and still it tells me to forgive
I burned a mark into my arm
It took my place and kept me out of harm

I think sometimes the problems me
The more I face the facts the more I see
I blamed the people in my world
Even before I cracked my form was fracturing

--

and now
you're finishing your song
to bring
somewhere where you're not wrong

and i forgive you - for the words I've said in vain
and i forgive you - for each time I cursed your name
and i forgive you - for the things i didn't trust
and i forgive you - for the dreams i turned to rust

because now the more i face all of the facts i can see
it was me - it was me

I don't suppose i'm worried now
at least today i dont see any clouds
Today's the right day for a change
to pick your life up and begin to rearange

and take up sanctuary where
the eastern shore can carry all your dirt away
maybe you'll find a family there
or just a place where you can start your life again

And I'll
work hard to make the trip
For sure
Now that I have come to grips

and i forgive you - for the words I've said in vain
and i forgive you - for each time I cursed your name
and i forgive you - for the things i didn't trust
and i forgive you - for the dreams i turned to rust

because now the more i face all of the facts i can see
it was me - it was me

lyrics - better than you

2006-10-30T18:34:00.000-08:00

you want so badly not to be the same
the same as you've been most every day
you want so badly but you never change
you try and cry and never get your way

you've got a magic cure
a pill of sadness you're concealing
a sure and cirtain way
to keep your friends from ever feeling

better than you
and happier than you
I never knew
just what i got into

I dont even want to say
all the things that make me feel like this
i dont even want to believe
you could treat me like a common thief

i'm no better than you
no happier than you
when i'm with you
no other way will do

you say you want me to smile
you tickle me for a while
i laugh and i act like a child
even tho its not my style

when i'm with you - whenever i'm with you
i never know - what i'm allowed to do

cause times when i've been feelin ok
which aren't a lot of times these days
its obvious to me that you try
to kick me down to where you think i am no

better than you - or happier than you
i never knew - just what i got into

you tell me not to chase my dreams to high
and then you wonder why you see me cry
you tell me not to love myself too much
and then you wonder why i want to die

am i better than you? or happier than you
now you can do whatever you want to

you can just do whatever you want to
you'll do it without me
thats how you want it to be thats how you want it to be
well thats the way it will be

lyrics - hard all over

2006-10-30T18:31:00.000-08:00

i can tell you're looking at yourself more in the mirror
wondering why the swords and guns are drawing ever nearer
did i eat a time bomb now thats ticking ever clearer
did mother nature warm me and i just refused to hear her?

look around
things are hard all over
in the town
things are hard all over baby
holy ground
things are hard all over
settle down
let your mind be sober

this is what you're asking to this stranger called yourself
and we are ships in passing tho the same cold waters felt
drops of acid splashing it can make an anchor melt
but before you go on blaming you or me do something else

look around
things are hard all over
in the town
things are hard all over baby
holy ground
things are hard all over
settle down
let your mind be sober

bridge

screaming at me and carryin on crying
taking flowers from a man whos dying
where was i when you needed me?
well i sure wasn't getting my kicks from watchin you bleed

lyrics - last year

2006-10-30T18:30:00.001-08:00

last year
was the longest year of my life
it rained last year
and now it seems it hasn't rained for 5

in old recordings i hear the rain inside my voice
echoing its drops in empty rooms with windows that wont shut
tears i cried so much there's nothing left to cry
now theres just an artificial sky
just an artificial sky

life was simple
i was free
to find the darker side of me
i could have run away
but not this time
i just stood there in the rain

with my guitar slung over my left shoulder
i'd cry my songs in the dark with candles and with smoke
i was trying to say something i'd never felt before

i'm like a buzzy bug
attracted to the motion
when the music stops my heart stops
and im tryin to fly inside the candle

such a fine release
i feel much lighter now ive said my peice
thank god my head is aching now
its just the thing to keep me down
humble like the dust
or else id fly like up to the east
and you would miss me so and want to go
but we are both here on the ground

last year
was the longest year of my life
it rained last year
and now it seems it hasn't rained for 5

last year
was the longest year of my life
it rained last year
and now it seems it hasn't rained for 5

it rained last year
and now it seems it hasn't rained for 5

it rained last year
and now it seems it hasn't rained for 5

lyrics - perfect

2006-10-30T18:24:00.000-08:00

playfully you run from me
in the middle of the street
smiling dimples on your cheeks
just until i wake from sleep

drop my hat and sing a song
there's no doubt where i belong
eyes are closed and notes are strong
till i wake there's nothing wrong

even bad is turned to good
late again you knew i would
save it any way i could
imaginary neighborhood

reaching for elusive hips
just beyond seductive grips
then you free me with your lips
touch me with your fingertips

when i dream you know im there
searching for me everywhere
you remember where I've been
you know I'll be there again

covered by the years of time
forgotten what used to be mine
piano strings all out of rhyme
take a hold and give a wind

lyrics - sunday paper

2006-10-30T18:21:00.001-08:00

with every helping hand i give to be a better man
theres a dozen helping hands that try to push me to my death again
and when i help myself apart from brother on the right
stripped naked of my pride put under condescending lights

(qrt rest) break it down mr sunday paper
what have you done with our mother nature
if only both of you could live together
we probably woulnd't need a sunday paper at all

you think you save the world each time you put me in a cage
i'm prodded poked injected with a new anamalistic rage
my individuality and freedom was my light
you took these both away now i am just an empty paper page

there's fear around the corner so you better stay inside
and watch the news, sitcoms when you've done your 9-5
we'll keep you up to date with everything you need to know
there's brand new growing scientific evidence that we are right

(qrt rest) break it down mr sunday paper
what have you done with our mother nature
if only both of you could live together
we probably woulnd't need a sunday paper at all

i had a piece of cheese cake
from the local trusted old folks home
and it left a funny taste in my mouth
it left a very funny taste in my mouth
but it was to late to spit it all out
because i swallowed it a long time ago
because i swallowed it a long time agoooo

(qrt rest) break it down mr sunday paper
what have you done with our mother nature
if only both of you could live together
we probably woulnd't need a sunday paper at all

comment - silly things

2006-10-30T17:30:00.000-08:00

this is about when you get depressed from locking yourself away in the house

it makes matters worse a lot of times

this is meant to be a fun song

lyrics - silly things

2006-10-30T17:29:00.000-08:00

We forget the silliest things
when we're alone
what possesses one man to think
all on his own

I just need to find a different rout
I got half a mind to figure it out
A Half hearted effort is all i can give
A half ass job is my 100 percent

won't you please permit me to be
a bit incomplete
(V-)if you leave I'll be lost at sea
An (IV) island of grief

The sun is shining but I'm declining
to answer any calls
cause i forget that anyone cares for me
at all

comment - hollywood hustle

2006-10-30T14:59:00.001-08:00

this was about a time i lived in hollywood

lyrics - hollywood hustle

2006-10-30T14:36:00.000-08:00

its the hollywood hustle
such a recipe
you must rise up early
just to find a place to sleep

business and pleasure
always at your feet
the rich the poor ill tell you more
but soon we'll go to sleep

everything is free
to the man who has the key
get a months supply
from the doctor down the street

sell it on the side
cash it in each week
let you know some secrets
sit a while and talk to me

its the hollywood hustle
such a recipe
you must rise up early
just to find a place to sleep

business and pleasure
always at your feet
the rich the poor ill tell you more
but soon we'll go to sleep

if you spill the wine
you'll pay a hefty fine
and if you spill your drink
it'll make you stop and think

and if you wear a hat
don't set it on the bar
and if you wera a scarf
dont set it in a car

its the hollywood hustle
such a recipe
you must rise up early
just to find a place to sleep

business and pleasure
always at your feet
the rich the poor ill tell you more
but soon we'll go to sleep

if you meet a girl
dressed in dark attire
sing to her a song
and you will feel a fire

if her hair is red
and her back is turned to you
with her feet a spread
then she is hungry too

its the hollywood hustle
such a recipe
you must rise up early
just to find a place to sleep

business and pleasure
always at your feet
the rich the poor ill tell you more
but soon we'll go to sleep

if you meet a man
that gives you anything
run fast as you can
when he turns his ring

if you get a room
make sure you keep it neet
you never know when you
must keep your way descrete

its the hollywood hustle
such a recipe
you must rise up early
just to find a place to sleep

business and pleasure
always at your feet
the rich the poor ill tell you more
but soon we'll go to sleep

comment - i'm up

2006-10-30T14:35:00.000-08:00

this song is about not being able to sleep... and the reasons why

i have more than one song mentioning that

lyrics - i'm up

2006-10-30T14:27:00.000-08:00

i'm up when the sun goes down
im up when it comes back around
im up when i think about leaving this town
im up to no good when nobodies around

tell me have you seen that freight train run
rollin through the night stopping for noone
shinin that light like a snow white gun
engine as black as the devils son

folks ask me where i been this year
folks ask me why'd i dissapear
i woulnd't answer cause they coulnd't hear
my sentiments would fall on wooden ears

my heads got an achin pain
feels like somethings in my brain
black suspenders and a walkin cane
grey hat in the pourin rain

comment - midnight snow

2006-10-30T14:21:00.000-08:00

this song used to be called vaudeville

then i added a part to the end.

it took a year to write

comment - studio apartment

2006-10-30T14:19:00.000-08:00

this one is about me - of course

i hardly ever have a place of my own - and when i do - its temporary

there's a lot of little specific pictures in this song that i have gathered from parts of my life

lyrics - studio apartment

2006-10-30T14:18:00.001-08:00

sittin watchin tv in our favorite underware
blue electric shadows casting here and there and everywhere
that noisy wall unit kickin out tons of cold air
sleepin on the kitchen floor next to reupolstered chair

studio apartment
if you want dreams we got a
limited assortment
we got hot water and electricity to power anything
for hours while it rains on 7th avenue

(licks)spent my money in the bar
no car lost my metro pass
atm is out but my guitar
will make some money fast

movie house playing
flash gordon silent flicks
with a banjo boy
soundtrack jazz licks

iron door rusty hinges
peep hole who is it
in the back through a crack
smell the afrodisiac

blade of grass growing strong
concrete jungle home
in the sky birds fly
in a geodesic dome

studio apartment
if you want dreams we got a
limited assortment
we got hot water and electricity to power anything
for hours while it rains on 7th avenue (extra measure)

make a choice sheep goat
blue collar white coat
gotta be one cause you
can not be both (soft B7 chord)

closed down all around
city been crackin down
real life bein drowned
poverties a crime now

fire code whats that
run down theres a rat
powers out foods bad
will i be a new dad

pressing on the cieling
not impressed with what im feeling
running out of ways of dealing
as the sands of time are spilling on my

studio apartment
if you want dreams we got a
limited assortment
we got hot water and electricity to power anything
for hours while it rains on 7th avenue (extra measure)

kicked out hand to mouth
last dollar ran out
keep it positive cause you
have to live without a doubt

closed down all around
city been crackin down
real life bein drowned
poverties a crime now

fell asleep on the train
end of the line again
red hook black jack
pillow case back packS

dreamin of a paradise
hungry for a little slice
place that you can call your own
if you could just go back home

studio apartment
if you want dreams we got a
limited assortment
we got hot water and electricity to power anything
for hours while it rains on 7th avenue (extra measure)

lyrics - midnight snow

2006-10-30T12:36:00.000-08:00

the velvet curtain rose and you appeared
the center of the world
a sinner of a girl

when im alone i want you
you're moving on now aren't you
i just have been to blind to see

here in my heart youre still the girl that gave me everything
i'm just the boy that made your vaudeville play a tradgedy

opening night it was something for the world to see
then before god and everyone -
it came crashing on our heads

and there you are
and here i am
my light is on
its 4 am

you come inside
lay down and rest
your hands are cold
upon my chest

but i dont move
because i know in time
they will be as warm as mine

the third cold winter knocks upon my door
to take what still exists
the other two have missed

still there you are
still here i am
my light is on
but growing dim

i call to you
you call to me
i'd come to you
if i could see

but all the trails
i used to know
are beneath this midnight snow

comment - dead angel

2006-10-30T12:02:00.000-08:00

this song is a very simple song
meant to focus on the lyrics
and meant to be very broken hearted

the picture is of a man
keeping a dead girl in his home
a girl he never knew
a girl he found in the woods

he loves her tho she is dead.
and he wants her to love him back

somehow...

even if he has to die to meet her true soul

lyrics - dead angel

2006-10-30T11:58:00.000-08:00

my dead angel
fell from the sky
i guess dead angels
can not fly

oh dead angel
sent from above
i learned too late
you cannot love

found you when you tripped and fell
struck your head upon that well

oh dead angel
oh my dear
kissed you once
and tasted fear

touched you once
when darkness fell
now there's no heaven
and there's no hell

can you hear with bleeding ears
can you taste my lonely tears

oh my only
love and friend
wish we'd met
before the end

oh my beauty
quiet and cold
i will love you
till i'm old

young and fair so lilly white
found you in the darkest night

oh dead angel
shall i go
leave your body
here below

shall i dig
and lay you down
bury you
beneath the ground

oh dead angel without wings
bitter sweet to you i sing

even when i'm
on my own
shadows say
i'm not alone

if you're here
then sing to me
break this spell
and set me free

oh dead angel without wings
bitter sweet to you i sing

comments - the river is wide

2006-10-29T18:39:00.000-08:00

this one is about not being able to sleep very well at all
thinkin of shannon
having to lie to myself
that we are not utterly apart

because we are...

but i coulnd't deal with that...

lyrics - full moon tide

2006-10-29T18:30:00.000-08:00

i tried to go to bed
now its wine and cigarettes
i tried my best to rest my head
now im up again instead

its not so bad
i simply need to bridge the gap
i can't replace it but
but I'll find some things
to mend and tie and wrap

i can see your eyes but the channell is wide
won't you help me make it to the opposite side
the bridges are burned and the water is high
there's a cold strong wind there's a full moon tide

until it looks like any other bridge
altho it holds no weight at all
i'll be at ease while i believe
i can aproach you and not fall

its better off if i stay here
because the water holds i fear
reflections of someone who isn't
meant to be on your side

i can see your eyes but the channell is wide
won't you help me make it to the opposite side
the bridges are burned and the water is high
there's a cold strong wind there's a full moon tide

i'll stay away
and just hide another day
all the while I'll make beleive
there's a bridge from you to me

i can see your eyes but the channell is wide
won't you help me make it to the opposite side
the bridges are burned and the water is high
there's a cold strong wind there's a full moon tide